Pretty much sums up my own mother. I went total no-contact with both her and my dad last year but should’ve done it 20 years ago. The damage has been done. I don’t really know if there’s healing. I’ll never be the person the abuse didn’t happen to. So much of life is just luck, a dice roll. Who knows what I could’ve been had I actually had a truly loving, caring mother.
Man, I’m sorry to hear that, truly, it was a bad hand you were dealt and you didn’t deserve it. I don’t think any of that is ever fixable. You are now mourning the unlived life. The “what could have been”s and the what-ifs are tormenting you. The solution is acceptance, but I don’t think that’s ever possible without denial.
On the one hand, I am glad you can relate. On the other hand. I am saddened by the same fact. I shouldn’t have to write about these things. This type of abuse should not happen.
you know ultimately I would like to say that I am glad that my birth mother is awake to her abuse. But also it's gonna be another 10 years or 20 years of shame from her husband/my brother: and you know: that's fine with me I already did the work: and orphans don't ask to be orphaned: that was my mom's issue. And I'm glad my birth mother is living. In hell.
This describes what I experienced in my marriage to a T — the dynamic between my ex-wife and her mother mirrored this devouring pattern. It made it nearly impossible to lead, build intimacy, or grow as a man. I wasn’t just up against one person — I was up against an emotional unit.
Pretty much sums up my own mother. I went total no-contact with both her and my dad last year but should’ve done it 20 years ago. The damage has been done. I don’t really know if there’s healing. I’ll never be the person the abuse didn’t happen to. So much of life is just luck, a dice roll. Who knows what I could’ve been had I actually had a truly loving, caring mother.
Man, I’m sorry to hear that, truly, it was a bad hand you were dealt and you didn’t deserve it. I don’t think any of that is ever fixable. You are now mourning the unlived life. The “what could have been”s and the what-ifs are tormenting you. The solution is acceptance, but I don’t think that’s ever possible without denial.
OK who the fuck gave you our family history? Oh my God this is so fucking creepy
On the one hand, I am glad you can relate. On the other hand. I am saddened by the same fact. I shouldn’t have to write about these things. This type of abuse should not happen.
you know ultimately I would like to say that I am glad that my birth mother is awake to her abuse. But also it's gonna be another 10 years or 20 years of shame from her husband/my brother: and you know: that's fine with me I already did the work: and orphans don't ask to be orphaned: that was my mom's issue. And I'm glad my birth mother is living. In hell.
One summer after visiting my grandparents, my grandma said, "come visit again soon, I want to see you again before I die."
Saw her next year.
And the next year.
And the next.
Probably more? I dunno. Was a while. My grandpa did the same, but only once he was on his deathbed.
She talked about taking her life often.
One day, I sat with her in the kitchen table, she said, "I can't handle this anymore. I'm gonna get a gun and shoot myself."
I said, "Don't do that, you'll make a mess and it'll be a pain to clean up. Take pills instead."
She laughed, said she wasn't serious, just saying it. And she kept saying it. Couldn't help herself, I guess.
I knew when it was the last time I'd see her before she actually passed.
Thank you.
If there is a will, there is a way...to heal. Still looking.
Thank you too. On one hand, I’m glad this relates to you. On the other hand, I’m not glad.
This describes what I experienced in my marriage to a T — the dynamic between my ex-wife and her mother mirrored this devouring pattern. It made it nearly impossible to lead, build intimacy, or grow as a man. I wasn’t just up against one person — I was up against an emotional unit.