Pretty much sums up my own mother. I went total no-contact with both her and my dad last year but should’ve done it 20 years ago. The damage has been done. I don’t really know if there’s healing. I’ll never be the person the abuse didn’t happen to. So much of life is just luck, a dice roll. Who knows what I could’ve been had I actually had a truly loving, caring mother.
Man, I’m sorry to hear that, truly, it was a bad hand you were dealt and you didn’t deserve it. I don’t think any of that is ever fixable. You are now mourning the unlived life. The “what could have been”s and the what-ifs are tormenting you. The solution is acceptance, but I don’t think that’s ever possible without denial.
Pretty much sums up my own mother. I went total no-contact with both her and my dad last year but should’ve done it 20 years ago. The damage has been done. I don’t really know if there’s healing. I’ll never be the person the abuse didn’t happen to. So much of life is just luck, a dice roll. Who knows what I could’ve been had I actually had a truly loving, caring mother.
Man, I’m sorry to hear that, truly, it was a bad hand you were dealt and you didn’t deserve it. I don’t think any of that is ever fixable. You are now mourning the unlived life. The “what could have been”s and the what-ifs are tormenting you. The solution is acceptance, but I don’t think that’s ever possible without denial.
One summer after visiting my grandparents, my grandma said, "come visit again soon, I want to see you again before I die."
Saw her next year.
And the next year.
And the next.
Probably more? I dunno. Was a while. My grandpa did the same, but only once he was on his deathbed.
She talked about taking her life often.
One day, I sat with her in the kitchen table, she said, "I can't handle this anymore. I'm gonna get a gun and shoot myself."
I said, "Don't do that, you'll make a mess and it'll be a pain to clean up. Take pills instead."
She laughed, said she wasn't serious, just saying it. And she kept saying it. Couldn't help herself, I guess.
I knew when it was the last time I'd see her before she actually passed.
Thank you.
If there is a will, there is a way...to heal. Still looking.
Thank you too. On one hand, I’m glad this relates to you. On the other hand, I’m not glad.
OK who the fuck gave you our family history? Oh my God this is so fucking creepy