Some Compassion

That woman you call a loser for not making much of her life? She was brought up by enmeshing control-freak parents. They taught her from a young age to dislike and distrust herself. This gave her a crippling handicap and a late start in life. She didn't get the same shots you did. But despite her wasted youth, regrets, and mourning of an unlived life, she's still trying to make the most of what she can get, still fighting uphill battles you couldn't even begin to understand.

That man you label "rude" for not talking much? He's dissociated and withdrawn because he was severely abused as a child. He doesn't know how to escape the vicious cycle of being disliked for being depressed, and then being even more depressed for being disliked, and on and on in a self-sustained negative loop.

That girl you ridicule for her tattoos, piercings, and self-destructive behaviour? She subconsciously engages in self-harm to deliberately hide her femininity: she was molested as a child, and she loathes herself for it on top of it all. With her background, how far in life do you think you could have gone?

That guy you dislike for never smiling, for his permanent frown, for squinting, and for his intense appearance? He's been suffering from PTSD from severe emotional trauma. His facial expressions are the manifestation of that ongoing struggle. And while you get defensive and dismissive with him, he's fighting demons you couldn't even name.

That friend who never calls, who seems to avoid you, and whom you dislike for not giving you attention you presume you’re entitled to? She in fact respects you too much, and she deems herself unworthy of your company. She wouldn’t know what to say to you. She thinks she’s not good enough to deserve your attention, so she stays away to avoid burdening you with her presence.

That guy you feel offended by because he didn't remember your name and face, or he didn't say "hello" to you that one time? He's withdrawn, detached from himself and the world around him due to severe dissociation and crippling depression. Entrenched in his inner hellish microcosm, it's hard for him to connect with himself, or with others, let alone remember names and faces.

That weak kid you make fun of for struggling but never progressing? He's got a medically induced hormonal disorder, with all the physical and mental handicaps that come with it; legitimate handicaps you conveniently dismiss as "excuses". And while you deny him respect for hardships you couldn’t even imagine -- so that you can claim credit for your unearned luck in life -- he's probably handling it much better considering his circumstances than you could ever hope to in the same situation.

It’s not about basking in victimhood. Quite the opposite: it’s about encouraging people by respecting them for a misfortune they don’t want to be defined by.

Show some compassion. People all around you are going through personal hells they don't want to burden you with, lest you feel sorry for them. Grant them the benefit of the doubt. Give them some credit for what they are going through, because they are patiently going through hell. They don't intend to offend you. It's not always about you. They don’t need your pity; they want your respect. It’s not about making excuses for them... It's about granting them the explanations they deserve without robbing them of their accountability. They've earned both.

Don’t deny people their misfortune. Don’t casually dismiss their pain. Don’t refuse them the credit they deserve for enduring horrors. Grant them the gift of accountability. Give them the benefit of some compassion for what they went through. You just might become the reason they begin to heal.