We are only kind to people when it is convenient for us to do so, as it validates our identity through consistent adherence to our principles, virtues, values, and ideals. We need those to define our individual self, to nurture our sense of self-determination, to grant purpose, and thus, meaning to what is otherwise a meaningless existence.
And when we sacrifice to be good to others? What is this other than mitigating our guilt for whatever moral burden we carry?
Usually, however, when we sacrifice ourselves to help others, it’s to take our narcissistic role of the sanctimonious victim, the self-righteous giver, the holier-than-thou pontificator, the flamboyant exhibitor of moral superiority.
And me?
I’m the biggest hypocrite of all. I defend children through the tireless promotion of positive, peaceful parenting. And I selfishly benefit from this because, in defending children, I champion my wounded inner child, thus managing my trauma.
There is no scenario in which kindness isn’t self-serving in one way or another.
But, worry not, if this level of philosophising gets you down. It shouldn’t…
The mere fact that being kind to others serves you is what makes you kind — unless you’re reluctantly putting on a performance of kindness to passively-aggressively adopt the narcissistic role of the victim, or unless your faux pretentious kindness is a hypocritical, deceitful means to an end.
The bottom line
Morality, kindness, virtue — whatever you want to call it — is what defines you. We choose to be moral, in our way, because it grants us the gift of identity, purpose, and meaning in a seemingly meaningless existence.
We don’t need gods or demons imposing morality on us. We don’t even need logic for that. Nature is indifferent to our moralising.
Morality is a product of humanity, not of cruel, indifferent nature that is demonstrably immoral and blind to unfairness.
So, carry on being kind to people the way you know how. Sure, it’s self-serving, but if serving others is what serves you, then this alone makes you good.