I agree with your central distinction that procreation itself is not a moral achievement—parenting is. A child does not choose to enter the relationship, which places an extraordinary ethical responsibility on the adult. Where I'd add some nuance is that love and self-interest are often intertwined rather than mutually exclusive.
Many parents begin with deeply personal desires, yet some gradually grow into people capable of putting another person's flourishing ahead of their own. Perhaps that transformation, rather than biology, is what deserves our admiration...
I (selfishly) really enjoy your essays about this topic, because I sooo relate to these arguments. I consciously chose not to procreate, not because of "career" or "travel" or "freedom" or "feminism", (although I am an introvert and very much value peace and quiet) but this philosophical outlook ypu describe. The strange thing is I started to feel this way as a young child, and these sentiments have stayed with me for 40 or so years now.
These hypocritical parents never cease to amaze me when they pile on the childfree with their pathetic righteous superiority. You can sense that envy, the shock of discovering that someone can make the choice to face this world without a mini me immortality project.
Thank you for your comment. I relate to your sentiment, as apparently we’ve been through similar dissociation early on. It never changes. The more you try, the more it drags you more inwards. Hope you get to read more of what I have to say on the subject, if anything, at least to feel understood and validated.
Oh yes, I’ve been reading your pieces hungrily, I have them all saved, hehe and they have indeed been very helpful for me. I don’t feel so crazy or alone. You put so well into words what I’ve been feeling deep in my gut for 40 years.
There is much truth in this however I believe that many/some parents do it out of true love and a desire to give their child a good life. They are extremely rare. None will be perfect. None ever have been.
Then there are the ones who became parents out of circumstances (rape, irresponsible sex) that often selflessly do the best they can because they are decent humans that are no responsible for a childs well being. Again, rare. Again, none are perfect.
One of the challenges as a parent is balancing the behemoth of all the sickness of sociiety that it is imposdible to surmount that your children are exposed to with there primal need to participate/be part of a community. The human woorld is too complicated for anyone (even enlightened ones like us 😁) to participate in. El gato just had a goodd piece on that.
It is a tragedy. It is also an evolution of unnatural selection played out over thousands of years.
I agree with your central distinction that procreation itself is not a moral achievement—parenting is. A child does not choose to enter the relationship, which places an extraordinary ethical responsibility on the adult. Where I'd add some nuance is that love and self-interest are often intertwined rather than mutually exclusive.
Many parents begin with deeply personal desires, yet some gradually grow into people capable of putting another person's flourishing ahead of their own. Perhaps that transformation, rather than biology, is what deserves our admiration...
I (selfishly) really enjoy your essays about this topic, because I sooo relate to these arguments. I consciously chose not to procreate, not because of "career" or "travel" or "freedom" or "feminism", (although I am an introvert and very much value peace and quiet) but this philosophical outlook ypu describe. The strange thing is I started to feel this way as a young child, and these sentiments have stayed with me for 40 or so years now.
These hypocritical parents never cease to amaze me when they pile on the childfree with their pathetic righteous superiority. You can sense that envy, the shock of discovering that someone can make the choice to face this world without a mini me immortality project.
Thank you for your comment. I relate to your sentiment, as apparently we’ve been through similar dissociation early on. It never changes. The more you try, the more it drags you more inwards. Hope you get to read more of what I have to say on the subject, if anything, at least to feel understood and validated.
Oh yes, I’ve been reading your pieces hungrily, I have them all saved, hehe and they have indeed been very helpful for me. I don’t feel so crazy or alone. You put so well into words what I’ve been feeling deep in my gut for 40 years.
Thank you, Trish. This is why I write here, at least for a stranger to feel understood and validated. Makes my pain bearable.
There is much truth in this however I believe that many/some parents do it out of true love and a desire to give their child a good life. They are extremely rare. None will be perfect. None ever have been.
Then there are the ones who became parents out of circumstances (rape, irresponsible sex) that often selflessly do the best they can because they are decent humans that are no responsible for a childs well being. Again, rare. Again, none are perfect.
Extremely rare.
Rare in totality in individuals. Many parents have a good parent inside that pops up on occasion.
Too little too late, though
Well, I guess we are where we are.
One of the challenges as a parent is balancing the behemoth of all the sickness of sociiety that it is imposdible to surmount that your children are exposed to with there primal need to participate/be part of a community. The human woorld is too complicated for anyone (even enlightened ones like us 😁) to participate in. El gato just had a goodd piece on that.
It is a tragedy. It is also an evolution of unnatural selection played out over thousands of years.