How to be the most alpha

What vapid "masculinity gurus" won't tell you

Every male has an idea of a one-sided male archetype by which he wants to be defined. They all want to see themselves as dominant and superior “alphas” in their chosen archetypal category, as well as in their circumstantial microcosm. Their social confidence is based on that archetypal USP (unique selling proposition), and they focus on it whenever they are faced with rival males or when they make advances with a woman. They drive confidence and self-assurance from their archetype.

These “alpha” elements fall under one or more of the following archetypes:

• Many males want to be kings: rich, influential, with status and positions of leadership. Their money and perceived power are their selling points, the source of their confidence and value to the world, as they see it.

• Some prefer to be magicians: skillful in their craft, which grants them admiration and respect from the dedication and commitment they put into obtaining it. Musicians, dancers, technicians, engineers, spectacle athletes, artists, and craftsmen of all types focus on their craft as their USP.

• Others prefer the warrior archetype: strong, physical, aggressive, fearsome. They are the bodybuilders, the martial artists, the bouncers, the gangsters, the thugs, or just the fitness models. Their ideal of masculinity is based on physicality, aggression, and single-mindedness.

• Then there’s the lovers: good-looking sweet talkers with that natural grace of Alain Delon and the unapologetic flirtations of James Bond. Theirs is the charm, the sensualism, the intrigue that gets women excited and leaves other males wondering how they do it.

• The tricksters are a peculiar archetype; comedians who make women laugh and captivate audiences with their stories and antics. They love to fascinate people with their tricks, their quips, their jokes; things that hold men captive while they fascinate the women.

• The wildmen are a wild bunch: rugged, fearless, crude, and boldly unapologetic about it. They sell themselves as diamonds in the rough, unsophisticated but with a singular mindset and a little bit primal and nuts. Men fear them because they are unpredictable. Some women like them because of the primal animalistic appeal of the wild.

• Lastly, the peacemakers: agreeable, peaceful guys who use reason, negotiation, and likeability to get along with everyone, if they can. Other men like the peacemakers because the latter pose no threat. Some women like them because of their reliability, stability, and predictability.

If you are a man reading this, you probably relate to at least one of those manifestations of masculinity. Those are your values, and this is how you define yourself as a man. It’s what you focus on before you flirt with your woman, or when you’re in a group of males trying to place yourself in that microsocial hierarchy.

The problem is that, whichever male archetype you choose, you lose all confidence when you encounter someone who is objectively better than you in what you consider yourself to be good at. You are beaten at your game.

If your whole thing is your pretty face, then if someone prettier comes along, and you witness how all eyes are stolen by him, you feel worthless; you have nothing else to offer. You thus become insecure, and you just want to withdraw to your microcosm, your bubble, where you are the “alpha” in your chosen male archetype.

Another example is the warrior whose value is extremely short-lived. You can be the most macho giga-Chad, intimidating and able to “beat up” anyone… but not for long. Age catches up with you fast because youth is extremely short. You will quickly find that the one trait you chose to define yourself as a man was a short-term investment. And when you age out of competition, you’ll experience severe identity issues. You won’t even know who you are, unable to define your masculinity.

Your sense of self-worth as a man cannot rely on circumstantial comparisons with other males.

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You want to know what really sets you apart from all the other males, and best of all, doesn’t threaten your identity when you meet with other males carrying the same trait?

Let’s analyse The Lord of the Rings, since stories are the manifestation of our collective unconscious. And the best stories do this best.

Every single successful team-up in a story has to consist of members of distinct archetypes, which conflict with and complement each other, making for an interesting, relatable plot.

The Fellowship of the Ring is a group of those archetypes. Aragorn is the king (literally), with leadership skills and the ability to inspire others to want to follow him. That’s his USP. Boromir is a warrior, a legendary fighter, focused on his task, disregarding diplomacy or special considerations, and doesn’t care what or whom he breaks in the process. Gandalf is a literal magician, a master of craft and skill. Legolas is the lover, pretty, sensual, and lovable. Gimli is the wildman, crude and effective, who doesn’t care about social conventions or etiquette. Merry and Pippin are both tricksters, the comic relief, those who win our hearts with their jokes, quips, and light-hearted remarks. Lastly, there’s Sam, the peacemaker, the one who gets along with everyone, the agreeable one, the negotiator, the one who always finds a way for conflict resolution, who always finds a way to defuse situations. But who’s missing? Frodo…

Which category does Frodo belong to? The reality is that Frodo does not belong to any archetypical male category. He expresses them all equally; this is why all the other archetypes kneel before him in the end. He can lead through inspiration. He can fight when he has to. He can be a goofy trickster when it’s called for. He can be wild in wild situations, and he can resolve conflict, too. He is good at quickly learning skills, and his natural, innocent charm makes him a lover too. But there is a trait that goes over and above all of the traditional male archetypes. Most of all, Frodo has integrity. Integrity was what gave Frodo the power to resist the temptation of evil. None in the world had this power. And this power came from a solid commitment to his values, principles, virtues, and ideals: integrity.

Integrity is what makes you greater than any one-sided male archetype. You can’t be much of a man without integrity.

So what if you’re the giga-Chad gorilla who can beat everyone, same as any wild, demented animal? If you have no integrity, no principles, no committed adherence to virtue and value, then you have nothing and are nothing. If you have to lie and pretend and wear a fake persona out of cowardice and fear of being yourself, what good is your male archetype then?

So what if you have the prettiest face, or the most powerful position, or the coolest skill; they mean nothing if your lack of dignity drives you to betray your integrity. What is it all worth if you appear to be the manliest man but have no integrity of character?

There is something immensely respectable about integrity, even if no other manly skills or attributes are present. From integrity, all other archetypes stem from a solid foundation.

When you see a man with integrity, you feel a presence, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. You know you’re dealing with someone you can depend on, as long as you are righteous too.

Indeed, most people are impressionable and superficial, so they appreciate only the obvious; the money, the looks, the skills, the brutality, the jokes: the overt male archetypes. But that’s just convenient filtering; you actually want to be disliked by trashy, impressionable people. You don’t want to waste time with the masses whose sentiments don’t matter. You want to focus on the few quality people with discernment, those who value integrity more than secondary qualities.

The great thing about integrity is that, when you are in proximity with other men who also have integrity, there is no competition, no antagonism, no rivalry. It’s the one masculine trait you cannot feel jealous or insecure over. Is someone next to you also a paragon of integrity, even more than you? Cool. You can then connect and allow yourself to be inspired by him. If you truly value integrity, you’ll have enough of it not to feel insecure about it. You’ll want to be around other men with integrity, even with more integrity than yours, because that shines a spotlight on yours.

If your integrity is your USP, it will show. Let those who value it will come to you.

References

‘Red Knight’ by Aslen Claymore

‘King, Warrior, Magician, Lover’ by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette